Dear Ashton Kutcher,

First Name – Ashton, Hash Tag – Kutcher,
A Plus K got it stitched like a Suture,
We got big dreams of a real bright future,
But yo Ashton, we need a real bright tutor,
Remember the days of “Dude where’s my car?”
I never woulda guessed, you an investment star,
Keepin' your distance from the dudes on punk’d,
Now you’re taking off, like the cast from Hipmunk,
#Winning, you even beat out sheen,
Retweet this joint, make a brand new meme,
I wanna be like you, I wanna live the dream,
But yo, we need a Katalyst on this team.

We understand you're a man that's in high demand,
But if you've got one minute for the Undrip clan,
You are cordially invited to our place in San Fran,
So we can run you through the details of our master plan.